Film: Garden State (Zach Braff)

Not immediately obvious. I think I’m so predisposed to either loving or hating something in an instant, I find the middle ground hard to navigate. The cinematography of the opening scenes, and the soundtrack, excited me. A piece of dialogue half way through made me cry. And the end left me kind of disappointed.

In an attempt to gauge my opinion, I read a host of other reviews. Which didn’t really help. I disagreed with the IMBD reviewer who proclaimed “It is a film that speaks to an entire generation…those of us born in the early-mid 80's who are in our late teens and early twenties trying to make it by in a environment that seems all at once so strange and yet so familiar”. While I do, just, fall into his category, I didn’t feel particularly spoken to. Or maybe I’m just not as angst ridden as my contemporaries. At the same time, I found The Guardian's 2/5 description of a "moderately entertaining" (what, like an episode of Neighbours?), "gently self-indulgent" (didn’t do Kevin Smith any harm) “damp squib” unfair.

When it was good – the pool, the pet cemetery, the gas station gag – it was wonderful. Other parts were, dare I say it, originally quirky. Throughout there was a smattering of inevitable cliché, but considering it was ‘that guy from Scrubs’, giving himself the lead and simultaneously wearing the writer/director hat for the first time, it was refreshingly understated. The supporting cast was impressive, with particularly enjoyable performances by Jackie Hoffman and the brilliant Ron Leibman. While Portman, who I’d previously experienced in that Star Wars thing and – eek – Closer, was thoroughly cute throughout.

Braff proved his talents far exceed medical situation comedy, and with two lead roles currently in post-production it will be interesting to see his next step. I only hope that, while a voice over in Chicken Little might pay the bills, the lure of mainstream doesn’t mark an end to his writing career. [cough] Owen Wilson [/cough]. Indeed, while his protagonist was heart warming - Large’s “I’ll take a hug” to Olivia proved particularly endearing – it was, more than anything, an exhilarating screenplay debut.

The aforementioned embrace opened the floodgates to a barrage of physical contact, which for me became the theme of the film. I almost didn’t want them to kiss at the end, as I’d preferred to watch them cuddling throughout. As it was, the kiss was inoffensive and almost immediately overtaken by a huge hug. Nice direction.

Warm, fuzzy and overall pretty rewarding. With some beautiful dialogue. A second viewing would, I think, cement it firmly in my list of likes.

"You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore.

All of a sudden, even though you have some place where you put your shit that idea of home is gone.

You'll see one day when you move out. Just sorta happens one day, and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist.

Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know? You won't ever have that feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself. You know, for your kids. For the family you start. It's like a cycle or something.

I don't know. But I miss the idea of it, you know?

Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place."

TV: Man With No Name (ER episode 12.03)

I shouldn’t keep doing it to myself, I know, but after investing so many years in a once great programme it’s kind of hard to let go.

I found myself almost feeling sorry for Sam when Eve the new nurse manager (has there been a NM since Carol left? And if not, why do they need one now?) changed her shifts, which is weird, as I’ve actively disliked Sam since she arrived. According to an NBC statement Kristen ‘3rd Rock’ Johnston has been drafted in to play “an inscrutable and unflappable nurse manager…on a mission to whip the department into shape”. God, even they sound bored. I took umbrage with her because she was too tall.

So after a non committal start and a messy - in both senses - burn victim analogy, the set up for the rest of the series began in earnest. In no particular order, I predict the following events likely to occur in series 12 –
+ Abby sleeps with Luka.
+ Gallant returns, temporarily, and sleeps with Neela (his “girlfriend” now, apparently).
+ Luka revisits his philandering ways and/or gets back with Abby.
+ Abby and Dubenko bond over his, initially undisclosed to other ER staff, cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatment.
+ Susan’s disappearance is explained away for a couple of weeks, at which point the writers will expect us to forget she ever existed.
+ Nurse manager Eve whacks her head on the ceiling and buddies up with Luka over sutures.
+ A man sporting Aviator shades and described only as ‘John Doe’ is admitted to the ER with a series of non-lethal and possibly self-inflicted stab wounds to the stomach, and is accompanied throughout the episode by dramatic music and a yellow digital clock…

I read ahead to see if my predictions were correct (wait and see, I don’t do spoilers) or if there were any storylines in future episodes that held my attention. There were several. Well, one really. Though I have to say, I saw it coming.

However by far the scariest thing to come out of my research was in a description of the future episode ‘I Do’ and the line “Morris, Ray and a somewhat rusty Kerry treat a man with hypothermia, leading Morris to take a stand regarding the best course of action.” It would be laughable, if it weren’t so tragic. I must remember to forget to watch that week.

TV: Cañon City (ER Season 12 Premiere)

Am I destined for another year of visual disappointment?

I missed the first airing of the season 12 premiere on E4, by simply forgetting it was on. Lacklustre commitment probably wasn’t the best way to approach the 12th series of the awarding winning medical drama in its highly anticipated post-Carter era. But I wasn’t wrong.

We pick up, sadly, where we left off. Luka & Sam provide the boring but apparently necessary family themed story arch (see Carter's Mother, Abby's Brother, Chen's Father storylines of the past). Alex is missing, Alex is diabetic, blah blah blah. Sam screeches, flaps her hair around and tries to out screen run Tom Cruise. Luka looks on sceptically, retaining his ‘my kids were killed by a bomb’ upper hand.

This headache-inducing topic which took up well over 60% of the episode was made only slightly interesting by a re-casting. They have replaced the kid who plays annoying Alex with another kid who plays an equally annoying Alex in a different way - he doesn’t really talk. Maybe his voice is breaking. IMDB tells me that Old Alex has rejected ER in favour of another tv show/movie (I couldn’t care less, look it up yourself!) which is frankly pretty embarrassing. Still, it was fun to shout the obvious comments at the tv when Sam identified a diabetic coma at the hospital with the words “it’s not him”.

In other news, our favourite characters were utilised in the space filling exercise ‘ER Clichés Past & Present’. The formulaic approach would have provided some humour, if only they hadn’t completely obliterated already well established characters. Abby, based on past experience, wouldn’t do that. But it seems the writers can now only use Abby/Neela/Ray as a new doctor triple act, relinquishing them from individual storylines presumably to free up more Screamy Sam time.

With Weaver nowhere to be seen, Susan is presumably in charge. Wandering around eating an apple, with the same vaguely bemused expression she has worn since her big return, it seems Sherry Stringfield has no more of a clue where to take this character than the writers. So she asks Haleh to critique Ray's performance running a trauma - classic ER themes “this is a teaching hospital”, “use the nurses”. I can imagine, and probably half remember, Mark Greene doing this at least once in an earlier series. However Susan doesn’t possess the sincere tones of her old colleague. In fact, she half sounds like she's taking the piss.

I understand the need to evolve, I’ve accepted the loss of the entire original cast, and eventually Carter, and embraced the newbies. But the decision to retain Morris as a serious and regular character is an act so lazy it makes me sad for what ER has become. I still live in hope that they’re currently planning an ER / 24 crossover which will see him inadvertently strapped to the one nuclear warhead Jack doesn’t manage to stop.

As a footnote, this also wins the award for most boring episode title ever. Maybe there is some hidden meaning that I'm just not getting, but as far as I can tell, it was just the location of the prison. Exciting. It's like they gave it a working title and then never got around to changing it.

Must try harder.

Film: Match Point (Woody Allen)

I just don’t get films anymore.

‘London’ as a setting doesn’t help. Look, here’s our famous art gallery, here’s our famous theatre, here’s a famous black cab. It’s raining now, gosh, that famous English weather. And now it’s Christmas, so here’s 3 foot of snow. Minor details maybe, but I’m a creature of habit - my environment is important to me and this one made me immediately uncomfortable.

Do the upper classes really function in this way? ‘We’ve just met you, now look sharp and catch these wads of cash!’ The invitation to the opera, several hours after meeting, was at least explained away as “a bit weird”, but is a shared passion for classical music really all it takes to ingratiate oneself in such a way? If so, I’m in the wrong job. I’ve heard of Mozart.

I didn’t connect with any of the characters, I actually disliked them all. It started to smack of Closer in that sense very early on, but I did try to remain objective. Even so, I find it difficult to like people who display no purpose to their existence. For this reason my favourite characters were probably the chauffeur and the housekeeper. But even then I was annoyed at the housekeeper’s forwardness in her baby congratulations.

Scarlett Johansson, who I hear such great things about, has now failed to inspire me in two consecutive films. (Lost in Translation is not reviewed as I actively chose to fall asleep before the end). I have also, in a disgustingly un-pc fashion, found her to be a little bit chubby. I fully believe that curves in Hollywood are a wonderful thing which should be much more present. Nonetheless, in both films she displayed slightly lumpy, slightly wobbly bits which weren’t particularly aesthetically pleasing. Sorry.

Nice to see Ewan Bremner in another film. Shame that his thick Scottish accent dictates that he must play a thick Scottish detective. And partnered with a Northern Irish colleague – some kind of City of London outreach project, maybe? James Nesbitt, you’re a shit detective. And if I was your wife, and you woke me up at 3am with eureka style shrieks, I’d batter you to death with your yellow pages.

The ‘big ending’ brought some relief in that Something Actually Happened. If I’d inadvertently sat through another film where Londonites visited tourist attractions and had bad relationships exclusively, I would have been forced to ask for my money back. The old lady twist was vaguely interesting, but unsurprisingly - ‘I never let anyone in…unless you talk to me about peanut butter’ - I didn’t care for her much either. When Chris reloaded the gun post pensioner murder the man in front of me, who’d helpfully provided a lively plot dissection to his wife throughout, exclaimed “who’s he going to kill now?!”. (Well, duh!). It was at this point I concluded that I was perhaps not Allen’s target audience.

In what is surely a travesty of modern film appreciation, I haven’t seen any of Woody’s previous efforts. That fact alone I’m sure deems me unworthy to comment. However, from what I’ve heard, I was expecting more. Fans of the film tell us that “Allen's decision to be pretty lazy with the detective work was made so as to concentrate on the theme of luck” but the lack of autopsy was, in my humble opinion, a step too far. I am happy to suspend my disbelief as and when required. But I do expect some kind of pay off in return.

And sex in that famous English weather, in a corn field? Give me strength.